Seasons of the year can be difficult when you are facing
infertility. I remember dreading the approach of celebratory seasons, I just
hated the attention given to all women on Mother’s day in particular. I was of
the opinion that only mums should be celebrated, not all women, and so to avoid
being part of any kind of celebrations. I usually prepare an excuse for my
absence at any gathering.
I remember avoiding any sort of gathering during
Christmas, Easter, or mothering day
Mainly because in my church and most churches there's
always something to do with kids and mothers/mothers to be. At my then church,
kids put up a performance for mothers, flowers are usually handed out to all
women, young or old.
Either way I did not fit. (so I thought at the time) I
always felt uncomfortable every time I received a happy Mother's Day card from
one of my God children. I knew they were sent with good intentions but I just
felt sorry for myself and made excuses for my absence.
I am not a mother I reasoned, I wonder why they have to
keep inviting me. Do they feel
Sorry for me, this was purely coming from a place of self-pity. I felt I was holding it together, but come
the day, I just want to stay away from it all.
In the mist of it all, I found strength to deal. Below
are 5 practical steps I took with the help of the Holy Spirit to deal with it:
Pray about my feelings;
I got to a point where I just could not go on the way I
was and I cried out to my Heavenly Father, I just opened up to him letting him
know how I felt.
For a long time, nothing changed but after a while I started
to notice small changes, like being at peace with myself during the service,
staying calm and not thinking the reason for people’s kindness is because they
felt sorry for me. Focusing on what God is doing in my life and ignoring my
conflicting thoughts.
Let close friends and families know how you feel
Let them know you appreciate their cards and kind gesture
but that you are really struggling to reconcile your feelings with the cards.
And I am sure they will appreciate your honesty and be sensitive to your
feelings during such times.
Explain your absence
Although you have a right to be absence from family and other
social gatherings.
If you know your family and friends will be disappointed
about your none attendance, explain to them that your absence has nothing to do
with them. Reassure them that you are working through some issues and really
want to spend time with God alone. Make them know that you appreciate their
love and support of you.
The problem is we just don't show up and this raises more
questions.
If you do not want to explain your absence, just decline
the invitation gracefully.
Engage your heart
Our heart is where our feelings and though originates
from.
Deal with your heart, talk to yourself, encourage
yourself with the word. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid, trust in the Lord with all your heart, stay your heart on him, because
he keeps in peace all whose hearts are stayed on him. Your feelings will not go
away but you will be able to deal with them better.
Be hopeful
As cliché as it sounds it is better to be hopeful about
your situation then not to be. Remind yourself of God’s promise, hope will give
you the faith to tell yourself they one day you too will be a mum and come to
watch your child perform. Better still you will become a better you through
this process.
I began to experience a change when I yielded myself and
emotions totally to him who aloneunderstands my deepest feelings. He gave me
strength and courage to deal with festive periods and I hope you too can come
to a place where being around mums, children and pregnant women at such times will no longer bring
pain, but fill you with hope for the future.
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