Infertility: Dealing with Festive Periods

Seasons of the year can be difficult when you are facing infertility. I remember dreading the approach of celebratory seasons, I just hated the attention given to all women on Mother’s day in particular. I was of the opinion that only mums should be celebrated, not all women, and so to avoid being part of any kind of celebrations. I usually prepare an excuse for my absence at any gathering.

I remember avoiding any sort of gathering during Christmas, Easter, or mothering day

Mainly because in my church and most churches there's always something to do with kids and mothers/mothers to be. At my then church, kids put up a performance for mothers, flowers are usually handed out to all women, young or old.

Either way I did not fit. (so I thought at the time) I always felt uncomfortable every time I received a happy Mother's Day card from one of my God children. I knew they were sent with good intentions but I just felt sorry for myself and made excuses for my absence.

I am not a mother I reasoned, I wonder why they have to keep inviting me. Do they feel

Sorry for me, this was purely coming from a place of self-pity.  I felt I was holding it together, but come the day, I just want to stay away from it all.

In the mist of it all, I found strength to deal. Below are 5 practical steps I took with the help of the Holy Spirit to deal with it:

Pray about my  feelings;

I got to a point where I just could not go on the way I was and I cried out to my Heavenly Father, I just opened up to him letting him know how I felt.

For a long time, nothing changed but after a while I started to notice small changes, like being at peace with myself during the service, staying calm and not thinking the reason for people’s kindness is because they felt sorry for me. Focusing on what God is doing in my life and ignoring my conflicting thoughts.

Let close friends and families know how you feel

Let them know you appreciate their cards and kind gesture but that you are really struggling to reconcile your feelings with the cards. And I am sure they will appreciate your honesty and be sensitive to your feelings during such times.

Explain your absence

Although you have a right to be absence from family and other social gatherings.

If you know your family and friends will be disappointed about your none attendance, explain to them that your absence has nothing to do with them. Reassure them that you are working through some issues and really want to spend time with God alone. Make them know that you appreciate their love and support of you.

The problem is we just don't show up and this raises more questions. 

If you do not want to explain your absence, just decline the invitation gracefully.

Engage your heart

Our heart is where our feelings and though originates from.

Deal with your heart, talk to yourself, encourage yourself with the word. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid, trust in the Lord with all your heart, stay your heart on him, because he keeps in peace all whose hearts are stayed on him. Your feelings will not go away but you will be able to deal with them better.

Be hopeful

As cliché as it sounds it is better to be hopeful about your situation then not to be. Remind yourself of God’s promise, hope will give you the faith to tell yourself they one day you too will be a mum and come to watch your child perform. Better still you will become a better you through this process. 

I began to experience a change when I yielded myself and emotions totally to him who aloneunderstands my deepest feelings. He gave me strength and courage to deal with festive periods and I hope you too can come to a place where being around mums, children and pregnant women at such times will no longer bring pain, but fill you with hope for the future.

Watch out for information of our new blog dedicated to couples who are currently going through the pains of infertility, miscarriages and still birth.

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Jesus, the Key.

Running late, I frantically looked for my car keys. I had them a few moment ago, where have I dropped them?  I muttered to myself. 

I must say, I often absent mindedly drop both my car and house keys only to end up looking for them moments before I leave the house.  

Usually, I have every other thing I need to go out, stuff for my kids, my personal and business effects, and whatever else need packing. Only to realise at the 99th minute, I don't have my keys, the most important thing which I need to get to our destination.  

Do you ever find yourself there? Running late and can't find the most important thing you need for your journey? 

It can be anything, our car keys, hand bag, an important document. 

Something you need for your everyday living.

As Christmas approaches there's the temptation to focus on everything else but the one thing which is at the centre of if all. Jesus.  

Year after year the vibe and preparation tops the previous years.  

We all run hither thither looking for something  of real worth to give our love ones, friends and family, etc. maybe just maybe they need something else, a key that unlocks all doors. Jesus. 

They are searching for something to fill a void in their lives, without knowing it. let's present Jesus to them,  the one who makes it all better, the giver of life, the hope of the hopeless, the strength for those who are weak.  

The joy of the broken hearted,  

The enabler, the redeemer of the whole world.

Stop for a minute, do you think he's worth giving as a gift to someone you love. Someone who do not currently know him? 

Maybe they do know him but are downcast, lonely, miserable and and really in need of a kind of word, a warm embrace and encouraging prayer.    

Introducing Jesus to our friends and everyone around us will help them unlock the secret to everyday living.

So even though we suffer the same trials, pain of loss of health, or a love one, we have a hope that's secured in Christ.  

One that reassures us of a better future, one that makes living right now, here on earth bearable. 

So amidst the chaotic, parade, let's invite Jesus to take centre stage in our lives because he's the reason we celebrate.  

Desires

Make me know you,

Like I really should

Help me love you

And others too

Keep my eyes upward looking

Let no gile or bitterness in me be seen.

Let flow from my heart,

Thoughts, that when reveal

Will stand justify

For they are pure indeed.

Draw me from the well of deep despair and dread.

Let me know the calm of your sweet gentle touch

Sieve me through the eyes of love's true quest

Let me come to thee undefiled, pure and washed.

An Often Forfeited Task

It’s the season of lent and if like me you’ve already failed in your task of giving up something, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
We often fail and fall short at the things which we should do.

Take prayer for example a very important and powerful Christian tool but it’s widely known as one of the areas we struggle the most.
Well maybe you don’t struggle, I do and I know a few others too who find it a struggle. Thank God for his grace he knows and understand our struggles and doesn’t hold it against us.

My church has focused a great deal on prayer this period and we’ve been encouraged in so many little and inspiring ways on how to pray. I found our first weekly prayer pod meeting today very refreshing and encouraging. It spurred me on to write this.

Enjoy.


I know I ought to pray but in this task I often fail
For reasons that seem valid enough to keep me off my knees

I know great rewards abound if I just but pray, but somehow I hesitate to pray
And oft rush at this one important task.

I crave to seek his face, for I know he longs to hear
The solemn call I make
For me and other’s too

And though I often pray for
Me, me, and me,
He does kindly grand my often selfish request
When to his throne at last I come.

I often ask for my needs,
For things I think I need and when delay I sense
I cry and wonder why

But to his arms I run and soon my fear subsides
For somehow he does make me understand his intent are pure

Answers sent like rain a might pour it came
He brings my request to pass, when I do stop and pray

Reflections.

Have you ever thought about sitting still and reflecting? Lately, I find myself reflecting more, I don’t know why, but I have found it helpful and I have had to let go of some issues I was holding on to.

It is hard not to notice when someone has done something to hurt us, it is hard to ignore a look with seemingly bad intent, and it is hard not to take revenge in our own way. For instance, if someone doesn’t call you or misses an event you’ve organised, our revenge may be to ignore them the next time we see them or be cold, and I think it gives us a certain satisfaction when we get even.

It is these little foxes, I’ve been dealing with lately and by God have I learnt. I’ve learnt that it is not what is done to us that matters, but how we react to what is done to us and also the next step in the process.

I can either hold on to a grudge or hurtful experience and have it eat away at me slowly or reflect over what I thought was wrong, make excuses for the person/persons involved and move on.
I have found the second alternative refreshing and liberating.

I use to think meditating, being quiet for a few minutes is daunting, being a very active and up and about person, I can hardly sit still for a minute, but now I’ve found ways to stop and be still.
I reflect when cleaning my home, walking to and from the station, when having a shower, just allowing the water to drip, I allow my thoughts to drift away and I reflect. The result, I am more at peace with myself and those around me.

So straight from my heart is this piece to encourage you to find time to sort out your thoughts, release yourself to the beauty of reflection, mediate on the wonders of you and nature and you will find strength to carry on.

I sit in silence pondering the meandering waves of the seas,and marvel at the birds and the whales.
Amidst the busyness of life and seas of wondering thoughts, my consciousness is restraint and stirred in the paths of quiet terrain.
A sweet reprieve I find in the stillness of time, reflecting on the goodness of nature and the wonders of the mind.
Strength I gain when I reflect on the wonders of God, and peace restored when in truth I release the clogs of dirt that blocked my mind.

Storms!

In recent weeks, we’ve listened to the forecast of storms around the coast of the American, Cuba and the shores of the West Indies and the devastation hurricane “Ike” and “Hanna” left in the Caribbean islands, the floods in the shores of India and the Asia regions. I was fascinated by the forecast as reporter after reporter bombarded us with the dreaded news of what is to come. I understand they have to report the news to make those residents of New Orleans who think they can ride out the storm think again. And did it worked! by the time the storm came New Orleans was a ghost town!

The hurricane gathered momentum and strengthens hence it is classified as category 1 which is less severe, category 2 becomes a state of alertness, category 3, which is definitely a killer hurricane and category 4 which means ……. Just think of the “Tsunami” and Hurricane “Kathrin”.

Reminds me of the storms we go through in life…. The onset of problems and issues in our lives is category 1, we feel a little discomfort, mutter a few prayers, as the problems persist and increases, we sit up and take notice category 2, and then it gathers momentum when all that can wrong begin to go wrong, bills become over due, teenage children become uncontrollable, job on the line, marriage break down, sickness strikes, friends desert us, this can be classed as category 3 “Severe” and then disaster strikes, sickness and diseases ravages, house repossessed, and all hell breaks loose, category 4….. All the while you may have been praying, fasting, calling on fellow brothers and sisters to uphold you, as you recognise you need divine intervention.

During this time our faith may be shaken, you may find yourself questioning your faith, or lack of it, you may repent over and over again of sins of the past, present and future. And until the hurricane subsides, you will go through series of emotional turmoil. It is hard to remain positive, optimistic and hopeful during such times, no matter how hard we try, but our faithful master gently stirs us safely to the shores of peaceful calm. When the tide has ended, and we look around the devastation there was, we will indeed see his hand and smile knowing that he “kept us” in the mist of it all.

So “Straight from my heart” is this piece, to encourage you whatever situation represents a hurricane in your life right now” hang in there the tide will turn, calm will be restored and with it, hope renewed in the knowledge of his love.

Fog so dense, obscuring view from beneath
Signs splash across the skies as hope fade,
Storms gather above as a deluge of rain is forecast.
At its appearing,
It washed off all in its path,
Of ferocious winds, gathering strength in its wake,
The signs are real,
The prospects are sure,
Fear instilled in the hearts of frail men.
But then, fog disappear, storm become calmer,
As the dizzyingly rain frizzles out,
Hope restored and vision becomes brighter.
As we dream again amidst the aftermath of the onslaught of rain.

© Deboo September 2008.

Pictures by "photobucket"

And Then I prayed.

And then I prayed, and spoke to my father in heaven, I asked him for things for me, for desires to be met and dreams to be fulfilled.

I talked to him about my future and the fears I had.
I spoke to him about my past and the mistakes I made.
I spoke to him about my present and the struggles to live as he pleases.
I spoke to him about his commands to treat others like myself,
I told him how hard it was.
I told him how much I wanted to speak my mind to those who have cause me hurt and pain.
I talked and talked and talked,
I told him of how worried I am that I don’t feel wanted, loved, or cared for or noticed by friends.
I told him I struggle to understand his purpose in my pain, and how hard it is to see his hand through it all.
I spoke to him about the world he created and how bad it’s become and how men are after their own ways.
I finished speaking and waited for him to speak back… He did…..


He told me of his awesomeness, of his intricate ways, how he alone fashioned the whole earth and everything in it, how nothing goes unnoticed, that the hair on my head are numbered and not one falls without him noticing.

he told me of his grace and mercy that was given when I became his child, that has kept me through the tough and rough times of my life.
He told me of his unconditional love for me, that nothing I do or don’t do will make him change is mind about me.
He didn’t only speak, he showed me the wonders in his creature, the wisdom he gave man to craft things,

The makings of the coral reef.
The small details of the ant he knows,
The magnificence of the Elephant displaying his might,
The beauty of the peacock speaks of his glory,
The strength of the lion displaying his fearsomeness.
He show me his splendour displayed in the skies,
The star that shines at night, of pure white, securely held by his word,
He show me the glory of the sun radiating in beauty too wonderful to behold….. But yet so beautiful its arrival leaves a yearning for more.
And then he said my child, I did all these.....I am aware of your fears and worries, and in time I’ll make all things beautifUL…. And your troubles will become trophies, a reminder of how you overcame…., be still, rest assured, that I’ve got it all worked out.

© Deboo June 2008.

On Bended Knees

On wavering faith,

hoping and expecting,

wishing an answer would appear,

while praying on bended knees.

still on bended knees,

with sincere prayers offered from a pure heart,

of desires, birthed from long dreamed expectation

the wait continues.

As clocks chimes their last tune

and birds chimed their last sound

the watch becomes weary

the pain of it causes a shiver.

Slowly, from the place of despise a lesson is learned,

that though he bid us ask and believe

he also ask that we persist and trust

that he who feeds the sparrows

and catch a fallen tear!

He knows every want and care

and sees every prayer altered amidst a cloud of fear!

This assurance abound

that he will surely come,

however, when, we don't know

but of this I've learned,

that my role....

to be on bended knees

His? To answer anyhow!

© Deboo June 2008

There was once a widow and two children who lived in humble surroundings. The mother was sickly and could not make a living for the children.

Every night she knelt by the rough frame of a bed, covered with thin sheets and hand stitched quilts, and prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, please provide enough for my children to eat." Every morning the mother would make her way down the dark hall to the meagre kitchen. She would get the burners lit and place the pans on the stove, though she knew she had nothing in the cupboard to fix for her children. Then she would look out the front door, all the while a prayer in her heart, and just as she expected, there were the day's provisions over in the right corner of the rickety porch. She would joyfully make her way to the "treasure-filled" sack and find there just enough food for the day.

Back into the kitchen she would go her steps a little higher and a new lift in her voice as she called to the children, "Rise and shine", children. Time for school, “breakfast will soon be read”

The days passed in procession, each bringing with it a "treasure filled" sack to the humble surroundings of the widow and her growing children. As the needs of the children increased with age, so the provisions equally increased.Then, one day the little widow began to ponder in her heart. "Who brings those groceries? I never hear anything. The sack is always there. Maybe some morning, I could arise a little early and see."

So the next morning she got up a little earlier than usual. She made her way quietly to the front door and stood peeping through the window, watching the right corner of the front porch. Time came to get up still there was no sign of the welcome guest. Then came the time to light the fires and get the pans ready, still no one came. The clock on the mantle continued its steady ticking. It was not time for the children to get ready for school, yet she continued her vigil. Yet, a fruitless one it appears to be, for no guest came that due lit morning.

The little widow turned sadly from the door way, a heart felt lesson resounding in her being. “My job” she thought is to pray. His is to answer. How he wants to do it, is his decision…..


Picture.. "By Photobucket"

What time is it?

Prayer is so simple there are no strict rules attached, all that is required is an open heart of faith, believing that when you pray God hears, talk to God daily, as you wait for the bus, as you sit in your desk, for me I find myself saying things like… thank you lord, you are good lord… O, I love you lord…. Help me lord…. While it is important to have a quiet place of retreat where we can be alone with him, talking with him regularly during our daily task, it helps builds up the anticipation when we are alone with God….. so Straight from my heart is the piece As we embark on 30 day journey encouraging you to talk to God any and every time.

Work, sleep, walk run,
Do all you can, but lay down your hurry,
Take up his hands for to thee it is lend
Seek him now, for it is time.
Tend your field: your job, family, issues,
But nay, not this time,
For now we sow in order to reap bountifully,
Basketfuls of grace, mercy and righteousness from his hand
For it is time to seek the Lord, time to lay hold and take hold
Of the abundance prepared for us before the beginning of ages.

On A Journey

We embark on a journey
Taking tools needed for daily living
We are prepared
We are ready to take off and lay off
But ready or not we are on a roll
To a place that is not seen in the natural
Yet grasped in the spiritual
We wait for no one,
But the one on whose arms we lean
Ready or not we embark-
To lay hold and take on
That which is long envisioned and seen
In the realm of the supernatural


All rights reserve © Deboo June 2008